Dear The Vatican
Our favourite irreverent Irish blogger, 20 Major, has applied for the current vacancy at the Holy See. Here, two excerpts from his letter of application:
As you can see from my enclosed CV I am currently working as a shepherd. The Bible says 'The Lord is my shepherd' and I assume the Pope role would put me in the position of Super-Ultimate-Power-Shepherd whilst a billion Catholics would become my biddable flock. If you've ever worked with sheep you'll know they're absolute cunts and don't do a thing you say. Working with people will be an absolute cinch. I would have to give my current employers two weeks notice but I think I could get away with a week if push came to shove...... I have a very well-developed sense of right and wrong, important for someone in a position of such authority, and have previously demonstrated my leadership qualities during countless getaways and burglaries. I'm also very much a "team player" and while I realise the ultimate decisions will rest with me I think it's far better to work collectively and to use "communication skills" which will prevent unnecessary conflict in the 'boardroom', so to speak. That said I'm not afraid to make difficult and painful (for others) decisions when necessary.
Think of it, if 20 Major gets the job, he'd be the first blogging Pope. Oh, and the first Irish pontiff, too. Here's his encyclical. We wish him good luck in his endeavours.
