Eamonn Fitzgerald's Rainy Day

Story of the week and headline of our still-young century had to be "Man said 'wombat rape' led to accent change". Arthur Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka in New Zealand phoned police to tell them he was being raped by a marsupial, and then called back to say, "I'll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he's pulled out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I' pretty all right you know. I didn't' hurt my bum at all."

The best part of the Daily Telegraph's priceless reporting of the story involved the deadpan add-on that "Wombats are native to Australia and are not found in New Zealand. Although powerfully built and about the size of a small pig, they are very rarely dangerous." Upon reading the likes of this, one has to conclude that this is the best of all possible worlds.