Germany is so dull it’s Breaking Bad

Thursday, 22 August, 2013

With that tweet, Spiegel, for once, was reporting something that approximated the truth. The upcoming German election is dull. In fact, it must be the dullest election campaign of all time. Why is this? Well, one reason could be that there appears to be no political parties in Germany. Sure, there are politicians and they claim to lead political parties but it is impossible to tell one from the other — the politicians and the parties. Part of the problem is that the “parties” are meant to be distinguished by letters of the alphabet, but it isn’t easy to separate the sheep from the sheep when what you’ve got to go on is CDUCSUSPDFDP. For the alphabetically-challenged, there’s a colour scheme that’s used — black, green, red, yellow — to tell the differences between the uniforms, but like all childish arrangements, it has its limits when it encounters dull reality.

Another reason why “Germans Tune Out Dull Campaign” is that the German media is a mirror image of German politics. All the newspapers, magazines, TV stations, radio stations and websites are identical. Within the ZDFTAZARDSZFAZS axis, it is impossible to find one that is different or isn’t dull. For example, when David Miranda, the Brazilian mule used by the self-aggrandizing Glen Greenwald to smuggle stolen security information into the UK, was questioned, lawfully, by the UK authorities, German media uniformly reported this as the end of press freedom in Britain. Not only were the dull headlines identical; the broadcast and written reports were indistinguishable in their absurdly leftist homogeneity. Similarly, it was the copycat coverage of the Guardian‘s reportage of the material filched by the traitorous Edward Snowden. The German media, uniformly, republished it all, lines-for-line.

So if Germans are tuning out a dull campaign made duller by a dull media, what are they turning to for diversion and enlightenment? Two words: Breaking Bad.

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